Lost Kitten
by faecree
Summary: Lelouch is dead, Suzaku is broken, and all hope seems lost for our heroes! However, just when Suzaku finally concludes that he's doomed to repent beneath Zero's mask forever, C.C. reappears to tell him that she knows exactly how he can fix all his problems; adopt a cat! Of course, with C.C. things are never exactly what they appear to be, are they? (SuzaLulu, yea u kno whats up..)
1. Opening

**Lost Kitten**

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**Opening:** Kururugi Suzaku – II Years Post Requiem

It felt like choking in a way, though he knew he was fine due to the feel of the warmth of his own breath as it bounced back at him and washed over his face. However even as the sensation reminded him that he was alive and well, ironically enough the air escaping his lungs really only proved to torment the young man all the more in the end. It made him recall just what he longed for in its stead after all, and that was nothing if not simply to die. So, as he choked on the humid oxygen inside his mask, Kururugi Suzaku wondered if his curse would ever let him rest. As far as he could tell he was essentially doomed to _"live"_ until his body gave out of its own accord, no matter what he wanted for himself. So, how long would he continue to struggle onward?

He wondered what would happen when the final day came; would he grasp helplessly toward the will to live?

Would he be alone?

Alone; that was a word which had been haunting Suzaku more so than ever before as of late. It was like a mantra for him, that one little word, playing over and over in the back of his mind so he could never forget just where he stood in this world. The mere notion had often made his stomach twist in pain at quite a few especially inconvenient moments and for once he found himself actually glad to be hidden behind the mask of Zero.

Suzaku just wished that the damn thing didn't have to smell so...

Well, it didn't really matter now.

The boy glanced down at the young girl to his immediate right; Nunnally sat in her chair looking fragile in physique and yet determined and strong in demeanor. For Suzaku it was an encouraging sight to behold. He felt a small swell of pride grow in his chest and caught himself thinking that he wasn't the only one who would be smiling on that day if things had turned out differently. Suzaku mentally scolded himself as the thought passed however. After all, he knew better than dwell on something he could not change. He was well aware that he would never be able to rewrite history, wasn't he?

Restless was a word for what Suzaku was feeling, but somehow it was far more than that at the same time. His legs twitched irritably like he was dying to run, but he had no idea where he wanted to go. He was edgy and jumpy and frequently lost in thought, so of course people were beginning to notice that Zero was acting rather peculiarly.

In response, the young man was forced to take special care to sound as passive and authoritative as possible; how he thought the _real_ Zero would've.

However, even that thought alone (despite how vaguely he had tried to word it) struck Suzaku rather hard, and he had to abruptly excuse himself from a conference room full of curious on-lookers who would speak of his actions later no doubt. Of course all the while, as he trudged through the long hallways at a quick pace, the boy berated himself plenty for allowing his mind to get the best of him. He didn't have the privilege of being sad after all, he wasn't supposed to mourn anyone, Suzaku was cursed and he just had to grin and bear it. He had promised as much, hadn't he?

So, why was this turning out to be so very difficult?

Two doors greeted him as he rounded a corner, placed grandly at the end of one particularly vast hall. The brunette pushed them apart so he could slide into the familiar cold darkness of his private chamber. No one was allowed inside with the exception of Nunnally, so as to preserve their secret that was, so here he felt at least somewhat safe. And with the lights faded, sunlight blocked out by the solid wooden entrance, Suzaku whipped Zero's mask from his head in one swift moment. Even as the cursed thing collided with the floor in an unexpectedly rough manner, he just could not find it in himself to care.

Or rather, the young man actually relished the loud cracking sound it made.

"Fuck," he bit out then in a forceful whisper.

It had been long enough, he thought; Suzaku was bordering on his 21st birthday after all, he had had more than enough time to wipe his conscience of all these dreaded thoughts and emotions. As far as he was concerned he should've been able to forget all the useless memories by then. This sort of thing happened to people every day as it was, didn't it?

So why was he still waiting for someone who was long gone?

The boy felt a heated rage well up in his chest and slammed a hand into the wall he was leaning against.

When he pulled it back he silently made note to tend to his clearly injured knuckles later on...

"You're already _gone_," he choked out, forcing back a sob. "You've _been_ gone and I thought once there was no turning back I could finally forget…"

Lelouch's gentlest smile flashed through Suzaku's mind and he crotched down in reflex. His shoulder still pressed against the wall, the brunette clutched the fabric covering his neck and forced himself to picture the face of his best friend despite feeling the need to scream in response. With all that he had memorized of the other he pieced together the face of the prince who had left him behind to suffer, finding it frighteningly easy to imagine the way Lelouch had used to look at him. Then for a moment he was stunned: before he knew it Suzaku realized he had caused himself to cry, tears dripping from his chin to leave tiny circular stains on the floor.

It was too late then of course; he couldn't stop now, even if Lelouch himself had thought that he didn't deserve to be mourned, Suzaku at least had to cry for him. In the long run it was really more for his own sake anyway, as selfish as that may have been.

But he had lost something valuable and irreplaceable on that day too, and ultimately Suzaku would've much rather _he'd_ lost his life instead.

"Sorry Lulu, even though I promised not to… _I'm such an idiot_."

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**AN: **dramatic teasers are key okay? Take notes.. this whole thing may just be dropped who knows, as for the moment I will post it as "complete" since I may just keep this as a oneshot anyway… so this is my first post in a while and of course it's suzalulu, since they just keep drawing me back in! mostly on tumblr, but I also have another piece of code geass in the works which may or may not ever be finished. For now it's entitled "How (not) to Avoid Marrying Your Best Friend" which speaks for itself im sure.

If I do decide to add on to this it will be cry worthy hopefully so strap in! the other one is more humor though so I should crank that out too, huh?

So, enjoy suzaku's brooding for now I have a lot of notes for the next few parts so I will try to get that done as soon as I can force myself to focus on one goddamn project! Later chapter will definitely make this story rated M so know this now for sure!


	2. I - Meeting Qualifications

**Lost Kitten**

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**Scene I:** Meeting Qualifications

Waking up every morning, something that had already previously begun to resemble a chore, was slowly proving to be more and more of a hassle for Suzaku recently than ever before it seemed. And yet, as he cracked his green eyes open to the world on that one _specific_ day, he realized that something was noticeably different about the normal tension he could feel building in his stomach, or at least that was what he _thought_. The boy could not put his finger on what exactly was amiss in truth, but for whatever reason he actually found himself unwilling to sleep in like usual. So, of course this was something hard to comprehend for Suzaku, even as he swung his legs over the edge of his bed to touch the cold floor with his feet, it was as if his stomach was twisting right instead of left on that day.

In truth he didn't really have the words to describe the sensation, but once again Suzaku realized he felt like running someplace far away.

It was an invigorating and yet slightly terrifying feeling.

Yet, the boy knew somehow that throughout his entire life he had always felt this way to an extent. Still he was unsure what to call it, but the lurching in his stomach had a familiar pull to it.

For a moment the tension was think in the air, but suddenly Suzaku realized when he had felt this sensation before and visibly cringed.

After all, how could he ever forget the hours he'd spent staring up at the ceiling in bed as a child? He had spent so many evenings afraid to close his eyes. There were these horrendous nightmares he remembered, all the same in theme back then, and they had kept him awake for days on end at times. And of course the boy had known the reason for this all to well even in those days, with the red of his father's faded life still freshly staining his hands.

Sometimes he could still see it in the pitch dark of his room.

Suzaku was even more disgusted with himself for a second then of course, but after a pause he recalled just whose blood was on his hands this time and forced himself to hold back a scream of agony instead of dread. He hadn't had a choice this time after all, had he? Despite how he felt as though he'd rip at the seams any second, he knew that now his punishment was simply to bear it.

Suzaku wondered how long it would be until he crumbled to pieces however.

He hunched over then, still seated upon the bed, and swept a hand through his brunette head of hair while heaving a hard sigh.

"There isn't a point to this," Suzaku muttered to himself, as if trying to reason the feeling away.

"There's a point to everything, Kururugi."

The second voice was unexpected of course, so harsh in tone the boy knew at once that, despite being a girl, this was not Nunnally. Besides, no one, not even the young Empress, would ever dare to enter his room without at least knocking beforehand.

Suzaku stood quickly, taking a defensive pose. However, he was greeted with a shockingly familiar sight which caused him to recoil a mere second later. After all, the person who stood before him was someone he had never expected to see again, let alone in his private chamber at such an intimate moment.

"C.C.," he said in half a whisper. "What the hell are you doing here?"

The so-called witch gave him a sly smile before responding, making the brunette mildly uncomfortable under her gaze. "You look rather unwell Kururugi, have you not been taking care of your health either these days?" C.C. drawled out mockingly, clearly evading his question. "Well, I guess that's to be expected."

She walked around to the other side of his bed then, leaning against the canopy's wooden support with an unamused huff.

Suzaku was feeling rather irritated by this point, in no way being in the right mood to deal with this witch's sort of game. He glared at her, trying to convey with his eyes that he wasn't about to play around with her any longer, but she made no signs of backing down.

"You disappeared," he stated firmly. "If you've come back now after more than two and a half years there must be a reason."

C.C. sighed again and rolled her eyes. "Straight to the point I see," she said. "You're as boring as ever… but _also_ right; the truth is I've come back to help _you_."

"_Help me?_" Suzaku asked, sounding rather disbelieving.

"It's written all over your face really," the girl stated matter-of-factly. "Don't you think after all these years I have learned the expression of a broken man? I said it before, didn't I? I'm not surprised by your current state in the slightest to be honest; I guess you could say that's the reason I came back in the first place."

Suzaku practically growled in response. "You mean to tell me that you _knew_ I'd be a wreck afterwards, right? That's hardly a prophecy C.C., it doesn't take a witch to foresee a natural human reaction to a… to a _tragedy_." He stalked over to stand in front of her then, grimacing threateningly. "What did you come here for? There's nothing you can do to '_help me'_ after all, unless you know a spell to revive the dead, but we both know there is no such thing."

The green haired witch grinned like a cat with this, causing Suzaku's breath to hitch.

"You're right again," the girl said with a light chuckle. "I cannot bring anyone back from the dead… but I _do_ have a proposition for you."

The boy narrowed his eyes once more then, but still he did not grace her with a reply. Desperate not to conform to her games, Suzaku's mouth formed a thin line as he stared the woman down, all the while thinking to himself that he hoped he could hold out just a bit longer before bombarding her with foolish questions.

C.C. sighed and looked to the ceiling though, her lip twitching as she attempted to rein in a smirk.

After the quiet had finally settled she gave in to the other's silent protest.

"You like cats, don't you Kururugi Suzaku?" the green haired witch asked, golden eyes locking onto Suzaku's gaze as she spoke once again.

"_What?_" the young man spat. "I don't have time for your crap C.C., get to the point!"

"Just answer my question," she fought back calmly as she willfully continued to maintain stern eye contact.

Suzaku took this moment to study the girl in front of him; he thought about what he already knew of this woman and her mysterious ways, and even as he berated himself on the surface for even considering such a thing, part of the former Knight secretly hoped that C.C. was not lying when she said she would help him. Though Suzaku himself wasn't all too sure he _could_ be helped, he had come to learn over the years that just because things appeared hopeless that didn't mean they would stay that way forever.

_Lelouch_ had proven such to him many times, hadn't he?

However, Lelouch wasn't there anymore. Suzaku was Zero now and if anything that only meant that _he_ had to be the one to create the miracles, didn't it? So maybe this was his chance to do just that, he found himself wondering. Maybe C.C. had another trick up her sleeve to lead him in the right direction, even if that direction wasn't necessarily the one he would've initially chosen on his own.

Then, after a moment's more deliberation Suzaku finally gave in.

"I don't see a point to this," he stubbornly began, though keeping their eye's locked. "However, if you _really_ need to know such a silly thing the answer is yes; I do happen to like cats quite a lot. So, if you're satisfied, will you _please_ explain yourself now?"

With this C.C. finally let her easy smile free as she plopped herself down onto Suzaku's bed.

"You see," she began. "I have a stray that needs to be taken off my hands; he's a little boy with a bratty attitude and he requires a special sort of owner. Unfortunately, I don't quite meet the qualifications myself, but that's where you come in." The girl laid back and looked at the male through half-lidded eyes before continuing and suddenly the brunette realized he should start reading between the lines.

"I need you to come with me," she added in a blunt tone. "That much is for the cat's sake really though, since he won't even let _me_ near him anymore."

"You want me to come take a cat off your hands?" Suzaku questioned uncertainly, being smart enough to know when C.C. was hiding details from him. "And you want me to come with you somewhere to pick him up?"

The green haired girl nodded once. "That's what I just said, yes."

"Are you insane?" the boy went on. "I can't just leave Nunnally here to chase after a stray!"

"Listen to me Suzaku," she cut him off before he could rant however, rising from the bed once again. "When I say this is for your sake as well I mean it. You need to save this cat just as much as he needs you to come save him, so leave with me for just three weeks tops and I promise you'll see a difference with yourself by then, if not you can leave the cat with me and return to your so-called life. Nunnally has plenty of people to look after her here for now, you don't need to be with her constantly; she'll be fine."

When no reply came aside from silence, C.C. let out yet another huff.

"You worry about her too much, you know? Almost as much as Lelouch…" she said, catching Suzaku off guard.

His expression was pained for a second, but he looked to the ground upon realizing that the witch had mentioned the other boy's name on purpose.

In the end, that was all the convincing he had needed.

**x x x**

That afternoon Suzaku was pushing Nunnally through the corridors of the palace when he remembered his conversation from that morning. Deep down he knew he had to discuss his upcoming disappearance with the young girl now if ever, but such a thing was proving to be more difficult for him than he'd initially expected it to be. This was Nunnally though, he tried to reason, she was a kind hearted and wonderful girl who would never judge him or hate him for something so small, but somehow Suzaku almost felt as if he were failing not only her, but Lelouch as well by leaving her side.

"Your Highness," Suzaku began formally, though he knew Nunnally would correct him.

And of course the girl did just that, reaching a hand back out of habit to touch his own. "How many times have I told you Suzaku?" the young Empress laughed lightly. "If it's just you, you should call me by my name."

The brunette sighed with relief at the girl's usual sweet demeanor. "Yes," he breathed out in reply.

"Now, is something wrong?" Nunnally asked, looking up at his face as though she could see him through his mask.

Suzaku swallowed hard and looked forward once more as he walked. "I'm going to have to… go away for a little while," he admitted slowly.

A silence enveloped them then and for a second he thought the girl would be mad, but she was not. Instead it seemed as though she were contemplating something, or maybe it was that she was hesitant to begin to question him. Either way, the boy watched for his Empress's reaction to change in the slightest and before too long it did just that; her eyes filling with certain softness as she gave him a rather sad and understanding smile.

"What happened?" Nunnally finally asked.

"C.C. appeared today," he explained quickly, though in a harsh whisper. "She says I need to go with her for a while."

"How long will you be away?" the girl pressed, sounding slightly more concerned now, though still afraid to ask. "Did something happen? If Miss C.C. is here again that means…"

Suzaku hushed the girl gently. "It's alright Nunnally," he reassured her best he could. "I will be gone for _three weeks _at most and until then I will leave you in the care of Schneizel, so there's no need to worry."

The young Empress shook her head slowly with this. "I'm not worried about myself," she said quietly, giving the older boy a slightly pointed look.

Suzaku sighed however and continued pushing Nunnally to her room in silence. She seemed rather miffed that he was refusing to continue their conversation any longer, but the brunette decided it was better not to get her hopes up in the end. Of course, on one hand part of him reasoned that the girl had every right to know what exactly C.C. had come to tell him, but Suzaku just could not bring himself to involve her any more than he needed to in truth. He already considered himself a hopeless fool for falling into the witch's game after all, so as far as he was concerned there was no point in dragging Nunnally down with him.

Suzaku, on the other hand, just couldn't stop himself from having at least a shred of hope however, despite everything, and ultimately he was well aware that this was probably going to be his downfall, but still... part of him didn't really care.

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**AN: **yo! so this probably needs to edited a little more, but for now i like it as a solid scene 1! i think im gonna keep the chapters around 2-3k words usually so i dont get bored of them really fast... hopefully that means ill update more regularly as well. suzaku's kinda a whiny bitch huh? he complains about the same shit a lot like holy crap shut up lolol what? what do you mean im the one who made him do that?! lies, slander, you all disgust me! ok im done... i'll start on scene ii soon, which will either be more suzaku and c.c., with them traveling probably, or the beginning of lelouch's half of all this! yay spoilers..

**Update 01** - _fixed some things up and made it flow a little better... ill probably start scene II tonight or tomorrow._


	3. IMPORTANT UPDATE!

**UPDATE:**

so i'm posting this to update the followers of this story on my current situation because i have some bad news first of all... and its important that you understand that despite all that i will still be continuing "lost kitten" indefinitely.

i started writing scene 2 not long ago actually, but unfortunately my computer malfunctioned when i was only about 500 words in and ive been stuck on my mom's PC since so there's really no way for me to continue writing until i either get my computer fixed or until we transfer all my information off the broken laptop and onto a new one... which has some complications to it considering i dont want anyone to see all the gay porn i have on there lololol

anyway, hopefully the problem is only the battery, or so my mom likes to believe, so we ordered a new one which should be here before next week, so i'll know for sure how long its gonna take for my laptop to be up and running again by then i guess...

sorry for the extended wait guys!

- faecree


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